Things on my mind...

Lots of miscellaneous things have been tossing around in my mind the past week or so, kind of a thought-salad, and I have just started to realize that there is a bit of cohesiveness to the mixture.

The big issue this week has been the gastro-illness of the family pug, Bijou. She was very very sick for a week, apparently after swallowing some non-food items whole. But, this morning, just before her scheduled sugery, she experienced what appears to be a complete turn-around, and is herself again, eating and eliminating and playing, etc.

Another ingredient of the salad in my brain has been our finances. I have again been anxious and thinking too much about where we'll get the money for the things we need.

Yet another issue has been time-management. I still struggle against my newborn schedule, though I know that it has amazing benefits.

There are other things, too. Child-management, discipline, for myself and the kids, honoring my husband, meal planning, housework, world affairs, etc.

I have allowed my mind (again) to become this nightmarish maelstrom of cares and worries and anxieties, and I kind of drift through them, seemingly anchorless.

But here's the connection--if I am consciously trusting God, relying on Him, running to Him with these things, as I am supposed to be doing, the thought-salad never even gets started. All of these things should be brought to the throne and left there. I'm not the captain of this ship.

Frequently in our church, we sing the hymn "Come, Thou Font of Every Blessing", and I am invariably brought to tears by this verse--

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

The wandering part--what's the matter with us that we do this? I know, we're sinners, and that's why, but when we consider the magnificence of Christ, how can we do it, day after day?
As precious as this life is to me, with all of the joys God has given me, my heart doesn't pass a day without yearning for the end of this age.

Keeping Stuff vs. the Mercy of God

Since we moved, 2 1/2 years ago to a considerably smaller space, I have been laboring to get rid of all kinds of unnecessary things. Last spring I went through my storage shed and found that I had boxes and bins and boxes and bins of baby clothes, receipts, scraps that I had written on, old toys (even some of mine!), textbooks, school papers, etc, that I never looked at and suddenly realized that I was no longer attached to. So much of it seemed so pointless, so temporary, I couldn't see why I had bothered to haul it all around with me for so long.

I gave quite a bit of thought to this phenomenon, because in the past, I have always been so sentimental that the very thought of losing any of these things would bring tears to my eyes. I couldn't figure out why my perspective had changed so much. Then it hit me--the last time I really went through these items with an eye to what I really wanted to keep was before I became a Christian!

Wow! This was an incredible realization for me, and a demonstration of the mighty power of the Holy Spirit in a born-again believer--the power to transform thought patterns of a lifetime, without my even knowing it was happening. Yet another example of how the Lord never commands us to do what he doesn't give us the grace to accomplish. Matthew 6:19-21 tells us clearly that we are not be putting our love and hope in earthly things--and I think that that applies to things of no monetary value as well as money and fancy possessions. I had way, way too much invested in those items that I was saving.

Also, it's a demonstration of the mercies of the Lord. He could have accomplished His goal in me by causing me to be convicted that I didn't need these things, and then I would have had a painful "separation" from them as I tried to be obedient. But in His mercy, He changed my heart before I had to deal with the actual situation. Not all sinful patterns are resolved so easily. There are always struggles where I have to simply "mortify the flesh", and run to the Lord with the pain it causes, leaning heavily for the strength to continue. But I am so grateful that in this He allowed me to learn gently.

All this doesn't mean that I never save anything, never keep memorabilia. I have a box with a few special baby items, diaries, love letters from my husband, early drawings from the kids, etc. But I if something happens to that box, I'll be okay, because I'm truly beginning to know where my treasure must be.